As the year ends I’m reminding myself of the things I’m truly grateful for. Looking back on when I wanted everything I have now reminding myself to be happy in the moment. My partner and I have plans for our future to be able to enjoy the rest of our lives together but there’s so much to feel proud of currently. I was not the custodial parent of my son for several years but for over two years now it’s been 50/50. Custody has also never been through the courts, his dad and I have always been civil for our son. I have a solid career with a very good salary that I worked hard for especially after changing industries when the pandemic made life harder for all of us. That same year I went to rehab for cocaine use that included extreme alcohol use. Now I’m free of drugs like that and would never go back. THC has been the most effective for me outside of the many pills I was prescribed that were quite literally destroying my stomach. I can have a drink with my partner every now and then but most importantly I can say to no to alcohol if I want to. I don’t drink every time we eat out or go to events or movies. I can proudly say I’ve chosen a Coke or water over a cocktail many, many, many times now. This year is the first year we’re able to throw my son a real birthday party including a private room for friends and family at Urban Air which feels great to be able to do for him. My baby daddy and I are going to have our partners present too which will be a nice step in co-parenting, messy side of me wants you to know this is going to be hard as hell for me. History can be so hard to let go of but I really just want my son to have a great day. This year I was able to buy presents for so many people in my family including my family member’s significant others. I can’t even tell you how many years I could only get my little boy presents because he’s the only person I care the most about being able to open gifts on Christmas morning but being able to give to everyone I love is better than getting my own presents. Thomas really hit the mark on every gift he got me though, speaking of my presents. You can tell he put thought in to everything he got. Pink iPad, two pink yeti mugs, pink keychain case for my hand sanitizer, gemstone energy tree, vanity mirror, gold rings that are constellation themed and Rough Country tow hooks for my jeep. A CONSTELLATION THEMED RING SET. He has to be the most attentive boyfriend ever. A week later he noticed my sanitizer was low so he got me more and it was Rosewater scented because he knows I love Rosewater. I always wanted someone to love me so specifically and I know that has made my love life very difficult but the effort put in to building boundaries and never giving up on the type of relationship I really wanted has lead me to the most spectacular man. He recently asked me about my attitude he noticed so I told him my silly-to-me problem (because it’s easier to trivialize and internalize) that I like leaving together in the morning because starting our days together is important to me and he took that very seriously. When I think of my life 5 years ago I think of how proud that version of me would be and how proud I am of her for never giving up.